Notes to People Who will Never Read Them.

"To the dickweed scientist with a telescope that decided that pluto wasnt a planet: Screw you." -Dick Tidrow

To the guy who used to be my best friend;

Break up with your girlfriend. She's the reason we never hang out anymore.

To the cashier at Kneaders;

My name isn't hard to spell.

To the cute boy at Kahuku's in Hawaii;

Of course you're attractive. You're a Hanneman.

To my bus driver in kindergarten;

Looking back I wish I told someone you yelled at me for sitting in the front seat.

To My last year's homecoming date;

Im privileged you let me experience something you never could, being heartless and all you'll never know what a broken heart feels like.  

To my old yearbook teacher;

you could have stayed. Thanks for ruining yearbook this year.

The the clueless Model Boy who sits 2 seats away from me;

We're going to get married okay?

To my future sheep;

Your name will be Bathsheepah or Baahxter, depending on gender.

To my homecoming date;

Did you really not gather the fact that I was in love with you? No big.

To my old boss;

Of course I didn't want to get paid.  I wanted to do 180 hours for free.

To my dad;

I'm sorry I don't live up to your expectations.

To the boy who offered me drugs in 2nd grade;

Thanks for teaching me what dope was. I really hope you changed.  I want you to have a good life.

To the man who grabbed me and tried to take me;

Its not necessary for you to see the movie Taken--you experienced it when my dad saw what was happening.  

To Sydnie;

You suck at being a best friend. But so do I. I love you!

To the ditz who thinks she's cute;

"She asked me how to spell orange."  You and Karen from Mean Girls would get along quite nicely.

To the red-headed jock,

It's nice to see someone smile in their athletic pictures rather than the straight faced serious ones. 

To my blog;

I'm sorry I always vent to you.

Radioactive.

**Welcome to the new age

My options for a Future

-live with my parents
-become a brain surgeon
-buy 12 warthogs, 2 llamas, 4 starfish, 22 dogs, and a lamb.
-not be a dental assistant because Obamacare will make the taxes be too high so the expense of dental care will go up and more people want extractions cause they're cheaper so less assistants are needed. Yay America!
-serve a mission
-sail the open sea in a dingy
-become an english teacher
-live on a park bench
-convert myself to the Hare Krishnahs
-blog
-go to college
-get married
-become a mortician
-have my own cooking show
-train my husband the art of llama breeding
-find a cure for cancer
-stalk Jeremy Renner. #creeper
-be a substitute teacher
-sell hotdogs/food on the beaches of Kuai till i have enough money to buy a house
-learn how to snowboard, become an instructor
-be stranded on a desert island with nothing but a comb, animal crackers, and nail clippersand still be able to survive
-sleep forever

How to write a How to Prompt

think.

i know how to sleep.
i know how to eat.

think.

what do i know how to do.

How to Fall Asleep:
1. lie down
2. close your eyes.
3. fall asleep

too simple.

How to Eat:
1. open your mouth
2. chew

even worse.

think.
think harder.

i know how to laugh.

How to Laugh;
scratch that.

i know how to live.

How to Live:
1. decide who you are.
2. be who you are and don't change for anyone.
3. make yourself happy--you need to be selfish when it comes to this!
4.  choose to be happy the way you did as a kid when you got a brand new piece of chalk, a new chiseled marker, or the perfect crayons; when thats all it took to make you happy.
5. love.
6. take risks.
7. cry.
8. Live.

does that work?

think.

how to make cookies.
i give up.

10. Newspaper Blackout

 Loneliness tended his return to where he could be.

 Muzzle the silence.
Denounce the delicate dance, the likely price would be too high for anything else.

Promise me promises.




#ITried

#TisTheSeason

I'm not too old;

Christmas Wishlist:

-Twitter. #IWantOne
-Restaurants to use plastic instead of styrofoam to go boxes. (It's killing the earth.)
-A white Christmas.
-gas prices to be lowered.
-My hair to be 4 inches longer.
-The courage to finish Walking Dead.
-My family to get out of debt.
-Make good genuine friends.
-Not be an only child.
-to be given back my crayons.
-to actually hang out with people that I write "We're playing over the summer you have no choice!" in their yearbook.
-a big dog. (great dane, german shepherd, etc.)
-A clean room.
-to know what to do with my life.
-a bed time.
-a Skip-it.

Wasted Shooting Star.

I wished on a shooting star.
A freaking star.

and i NEVER see them. it was wasted!! I know i know.
respect our president. President. I will even capitalize the word.

signs of the times?? whenever we have that lesson in sunday school i get scared out of my witts! and now facebook has its cup running over with statuses (statusi) about the second coming coming. (that wasn't intentional..) and it being a sign and all this.
i'm scared and i feel so small. In all honesty i just wanted to change the size so i had to throw the word small in there somewhere.

But it all comes down to the frame of mind I guess...but I hope Barack Husein Obama is very proud of himself.  I give him a pat on the back for spending more money than every president combined.  And killing jobs while trying to create them. America may feel dead, but death is not the end.

haven't you seen the walking dead? we'll come back.  everything will be okay!!


i really have no idea what got me on this subject.. maybe because all ive been doing is watching psych and walking dead.

nevermind.

SAIL--blame it on the A.D.D.

All I can Do.

I had never heard my dad cry like he did last night.

The occasional teary eyes came but never sobs, that was my moms job.  I had been lied to, being told everything was okay and perfect when things clearly weren't. It made me angry. I lashed out at my mom and she lashed back. Being told to leave the one place you're supposed to feel safe leaves you feeling hostile and empty. Taking her seriously must have been a mistake because I got up and left while she begged me to stay.

I slammed the door and ran for what seemed like miles because I could never get far enough.  My phone started to vibrate and I instantly knew it was my mom. I hurried and answered it just to hang up; so she knew I had seen her call. I felt free like a bird. Finally loose from the cruel world that had recently bound me.

I got to a park with happy children blindly playing in a vile creation called earth. More vibrating. Answer, hang up. I didn't know what else to do. How long did I expect to stay out here. I could go to Sydnie's, but that would be the first place they'd look.

Vibrating; answer; hang up. To my hesitation of admitting it, the world finally caught up to me. But not only did it catch up, it grasped me like a prisoner of war. A poor flightless bird; that once thought her life was her own. That she wasn't a game piece in someone else's scheme of Life. My tears changed to cries which then soon turned to sobs. In complete horror I collapse. Lift my knees up to my chin, burry my face, and cry. Because that's all I can do. More vibrating; another answer; one more hanging up.

I started walking back. Resenting the text messages and calls knowing they deserved a simple reply.  One last period of vibrating--I couldn't handle it. I answer and don't hang up. I pull my phone to my lips and utter a small "hello." I hear screaming and blubbers that I try and make out as words. And this is where my own personal hell comes in.

I hear my dad, weeping in lack of knowledge of what to do.  Me hurting my mom had indirectly killed my best friend emotionally.  I start to run now, yelling occasionally to try and get them to hear me but all I hear in reply is "I've had enough. I can't support my kids anymore, we are losing our house, our cars and we are out of money for food. I can't stand this anymore," over and over and over again in different variations of words meaning the exact same thing.

At last I reach my house. I can't run faster to the place I once couldn't get away from quick enough.  I jerk open the door and my dad is there. On the floor, weeping. Because of me. I had broken my family in a matter of moments. Me. The girl that loves being happy and knowing its a choice and I blew it. I broke something so fragile, and irreplaceable, it's almost impossible to fix.

Duct tape can't fix it. Only the reunion of hearts. I run to him and pull him in my arms; the former Chief of Police Officer, the toughest and most genuine man I know. I try and fix it. My mom walks in; I grab her too. I try my hardest to show them I care and my sorrow towards all this because it's all I can do.

And suddenly, things start to seem like they're becoming okay, like it didn't even matter in the first place, because in reality it probably didn't.

9. I Remember.

I remember being a sophomore. And thinking HighSchool was a never ending part of my life. I remember the first day of being a senior. Being so intimidated by my "authority". I remember my first day at Lone Peak.

I remember Junior year Sadie's. People that know me really well will know exactly who I am now. I remember moving on. I remember being an Indian in a group full of cowboys. I remember leaving to London two days later. 

I remember eating crab legs for the first time. And eating so many I got sick. I remember thinking I was so cool for liking sushi when I really hated it. I remember discovering artificially green foods are gross. 

I remember being a kid. I remember eating Popsicles as if they were a meal. I remember Skip-its and Baby Bottle Pops. I remember being so scared to jump off my waterfall into my pool that my mon bribed me with a Baby Bottle Pop. I remember California.

I remember the death of my social life that my parents called a "For Sale" sign. I was in 3rd grade and California was everything. I remember my 9th birthday cake was a Twinkie from a gas station--and I hate twinkies. I remember finally getting to Utah and wishing I was swimming on my birthday rather than driving. I remember meeting my first friend--Karina Fredrickson. 

I remember hating life and thinking something was wrong with me. I remember my mom kicking me out of the house and actually meaning it. Then begging me to say when I took her seriously. I remember the first day of being an only child.

I remember deciding being happy is a choice. I remember the day my music died. I remember when i decided to create my own symphony. My music is still playing, and I'm the conductor.