All I can Do.

I had never heard my dad cry like he did last night.

The occasional teary eyes came but never sobs, that was my moms job.  I had been lied to, being told everything was okay and perfect when things clearly weren't. It made me angry. I lashed out at my mom and she lashed back. Being told to leave the one place you're supposed to feel safe leaves you feeling hostile and empty. Taking her seriously must have been a mistake because I got up and left while she begged me to stay.

I slammed the door and ran for what seemed like miles because I could never get far enough.  My phone started to vibrate and I instantly knew it was my mom. I hurried and answered it just to hang up; so she knew I had seen her call. I felt free like a bird. Finally loose from the cruel world that had recently bound me.

I got to a park with happy children blindly playing in a vile creation called earth. More vibrating. Answer, hang up. I didn't know what else to do. How long did I expect to stay out here. I could go to Sydnie's, but that would be the first place they'd look.

Vibrating; answer; hang up. To my hesitation of admitting it, the world finally caught up to me. But not only did it catch up, it grasped me like a prisoner of war. A poor flightless bird; that once thought her life was her own. That she wasn't a game piece in someone else's scheme of Life. My tears changed to cries which then soon turned to sobs. In complete horror I collapse. Lift my knees up to my chin, burry my face, and cry. Because that's all I can do. More vibrating; another answer; one more hanging up.

I started walking back. Resenting the text messages and calls knowing they deserved a simple reply.  One last period of vibrating--I couldn't handle it. I answer and don't hang up. I pull my phone to my lips and utter a small "hello." I hear screaming and blubbers that I try and make out as words. And this is where my own personal hell comes in.

I hear my dad, weeping in lack of knowledge of what to do.  Me hurting my mom had indirectly killed my best friend emotionally.  I start to run now, yelling occasionally to try and get them to hear me but all I hear in reply is "I've had enough. I can't support my kids anymore, we are losing our house, our cars and we are out of money for food. I can't stand this anymore," over and over and over again in different variations of words meaning the exact same thing.

At last I reach my house. I can't run faster to the place I once couldn't get away from quick enough.  I jerk open the door and my dad is there. On the floor, weeping. Because of me. I had broken my family in a matter of moments. Me. The girl that loves being happy and knowing its a choice and I blew it. I broke something so fragile, and irreplaceable, it's almost impossible to fix.

Duct tape can't fix it. Only the reunion of hearts. I run to him and pull him in my arms; the former Chief of Police Officer, the toughest and most genuine man I know. I try and fix it. My mom walks in; I grab her too. I try my hardest to show them I care and my sorrow towards all this because it's all I can do.

And suddenly, things start to seem like they're becoming okay, like it didn't even matter in the first place, because in reality it probably didn't.